On January 21, 2025, the day following Donald Trump’s inauguration as President of the United States, a sermon delivered from the pulpit of the National Cathedral by the Episcopal Bishop of Washington resonated far beyond the hallowed walls of the iconic edifice. Bishop Mariann Budde’s address, a direct and unvarnished plea for mercy, quickly became a focal point of national discourse. The sermon’s dissemination across the internet within hours of its delivery elicited a polarized response. While some critics decried it as an inappropriate foray into political commentary by a religious leader, others lauded it as a profoundly courageous and timely act. Bishop Budde, known for her characteristic pragmatism, likely views such labels as secondary to the perceived necessity of the moment. This conviction underpins her latest endeavor: "I Can Learn to Be Brave," a picture book for children aged 4 to 8, illustrated by Holly Hatam, set to be published on July 7th. This release marks the third installment in a series that began with the New York Times bestseller "How We Learn to Be Brave" and continued with the young adult adaptation "We Can Be Brave." The enduring message of resilience and inner strength, now meticulously tailored for the youngest of readers, continues its journey.

This exploration into the essence of bravery, however, extends beyond the pages of a children’s book. A recent conversation with Bishop Budde, with the new publication serving as a departure point, delved into the profound complexities of parenting. It examined the significant emotional and psychological investment required, the inherent demands placed upon caregivers, and the arguable assertion that raising resilient children might, in fact, be one of the most courageous undertakings an individual can pursue.

The Genesis of Courage: Early Childhood as a Crucible

Bishop Budde posits a foundational insight: "Watching children grow is a masterclass in courage." This is not merely a metaphorical observation. She elaborates by highlighting the relentless pace at which children navigate developmental milestones, often without the full appreciation of adults. Each step, from a seven-month-old mastering the art of crawling to a first grader independently entering school grounds, or a teenager submitting college applications, represents a significant first. "We lose track of the magnitude of it," she notes, suggesting that this oversight can lead us to miss critical understandings, not only about our children but about the very nature of bravery itself.

Budde challenges the conventional definition of bravery, which often narrowly categorizes it as an innate personality trait possessed by a select few—the fearless, the bold, the unflinching. She argues that this perception is fundamentally flawed. "Courage isn’t just for these people over here that are brave and do these amazing things," she asserts. "It’s actually in all of us. We learn how to be brave." This learning process, she emphasizes, is intrinsically linked to venturing into the unknown, to attempting something for the first time, and therefore, to confronting the inherent uncertainty of whether one can succeed.

The author offers a personal anecdote to illustrate this point. Her daughter, now nearing fifteen, demonstrated this principle from a young age. After weeks of requesting her ears be pierced, the author granted permission, contingent on her daughter’s understanding of the procedure’s reality. The author recounts explaining it would involve a needle, not the adhesive adornments she had been wearing. The daughter’s resolute response, "I KNOW. And I won’t cry. I’ll laugh," foreshadowed a profound display of fortitude. On the day of the piercing, the young girl ascended the chair, took a deep breath, and remained composed, foregoing tears. This instance, the author reflects, exemplifies how bravery, for her daughter, is not a performance but an ingrained way of navigating the world, a lesson learned that has profoundly shaped the author’s own understanding of courage.

This reframing of bravery is particularly relevant in contemporary society, where statistics indicate a significant rise in youth anxiety levels. Parents are actively seeking strategies to equip their children to confront a world that often appears complex and overwhelming. If bravery is perceived as an inherent trait, children prone to anxiety may feel inherently disadvantaged. However, if bravery is understood as a cultivated capacity, built through successive challenges, then even the most hesitant child is actively practicing it, perhaps in need only of its recognition. Bishop Budde’s picture book aims to provide this recognition, a sentiment echoed in her dialogues.

The Indispensable Role of Failure in Nurturing Bravery

The conversation around bravery inevitably leads to the topic of failure, an element inextricably linked to courage. Bishop Budde articulates a perspective that, while potentially challenging, offers profound comfort: failure is not an obstacle on the path to courage but rather the path itself. "Sometimes the bravest thing of all is to acknowledge that right now, I can’t do this," she states. "And that doesn’t mean you are any less brave."

She recounts a poignant example from her own family: her younger son’s decision to major in theater in college. Her response was not one of discouragement but a candid acknowledgment of the inherent challenges. "I said to him, Patrick, that means you’re going to have to get really accustomed to disappointment and failure." She expresses pride in the program’s curriculum, which integrated the inevitability of failure, recognizing its crucial role in artistic and indeed any field of endeavor. The ability to persevere through setbacks is paramount for sustained growth and achievement.

Furthermore, Bishop Budde gently challenges the notion that parents are obligated to shield their children from difficult emotions. "Part of what it means to be human is to face hard things," she explains. "And one of the things that allows us to do that is to be surrounded by love and belonging." This underscores the importance of presence and unwavering support, rather than attempts to mitigate or rationalize challenging experiences. The core message is that a child’s inherent worth is not contingent on their successes but on the unconditional love and belonging they receive.

The Parental Crucible: When It’s Harder for the Caregiver

A particularly resonant point articulated by Bishop Budde is the observation: "Sometimes it’s harder for the parent than for the child." This sentiment rings true, particularly when it comes to relinquishing control and allowing children to navigate risks that are beyond parental influence. The prospect of children facing disappointments that cannot be fixed, or embarking on life paths that are inherently unpredictable, presents a significant emotional hurdle for many parents.

Bishop Budde refrains from offering simplistic solutions. Instead, she advocates for attunement to a child’s cues and discerning when to offer encouragement ("you’ve got this") versus when to temper expectations ("not yet"). This process is inherently complex and requires continuous practice.

She shared two significant personal moments that demanded considerable parental courage. The first was the profound uncertainty and fear that permeated the nation on September 11, 2001, when her children were in elementary and middle school. She had to manage her own terror while simultaneously providing a stable emotional anchor for them. The second was the act of sending her son to college. She humorously admits, "I was a basket case," but acknowledges that these were moments of personal growth as much as they were about her children’s independence.

The author relates to this experience, recalling the emotional difficulty of her son leaving for college. A mitigating factor, she found, was that he roomed with his childhood best friend. The sight of the two boys entering their dorm room, a familiar dynamic within a new context, provided a sliver of comfort. While still a difficult transition, this familiarity made the separation slightly less fraught.

Bishop Budde’s central thesis is not that parenting becomes easier with time, but that both parents and children grow into these challenges, albeit imperfectly. "I wasn’t a confident parent for a long time," she confesses. "The most scared I ever was, was when they were infants." This sentiment resonates deeply, evoking the raw vulnerability of the initial postpartum period. The author recalls a similar overwhelming moment after a home birth, as the midwife prepared to depart, leaving her alone with a newborn. The sheer terror of this unprecedented responsibility, irrespective of prenatal preparation, highlights the fundamental human experience of confronting the unknown and learning to navigate it through sheer necessity.

Bravery as a Collective Endeavor

Bishop Budde also challenges the notion that bravery is cultivated in isolation. She references a municipal initiative in St. Louis Park, Minnesota, where she previously resided. This program identified ten essential conditions for children’s healthy development and allocated public resources to foster them. "Why aren’t all of our towns doing that?" she questions, advocating for a communal responsibility in nurturing children’s resilience. The underlying principle is that children cannot be insulated into bravery, nor can their development be solely outsourced to the immediate family. It necessitates a collective commitment from communities actively invested in the well-being of all children.

"I can’t just say to my faith community, you need to teach this," she explains. "I need to be part of that faith community and, as an adult, help to foster that for all the children." This philosophy extends to educational institutions, neighborhoods, and civic life. While acknowledging the inherent difficulty, she warns against ceding ground that is too vital to lose.

The Enduring Legacy: What We Are Truly Teaching

As the conversation draws to a close, Bishop Budde offers a profound summation of her life’s work and her philosophy on raising children: "Raising them to be brave is really the only thing. You’ve just got to face it." This encompasses nurturing children to be not only brave but also healthy, self-aware, and resilient. Their capacity to navigate a potentially challenging world stems not from an expectation of kindness, but from the assurance that they can persevere regardless of external circumstances.

A crucial, often overlooked, aspect of this process is that children are constant observers of their parents’ lives. They need to witness their parents grappling with failure, experiencing grief, facing disappointment, and ultimately, continuing forward. How individuals manage their own imperfections, Bishop Budde suggests, serves as a formative influence on their children.

This perspective shifts the parental pressure from protection to demonstration. Every challenge met, every uncertainty faced and overcome, becomes a teaching moment. In these instances, parents are not merely surviving; they are actively imparting invaluable life lessons.

"I Can Learn to Be Brave" by Mariann Edgar Budde, illustrated by Holly Hatam, is scheduled for release on July 7th, offering a tangible resource for parents and educators seeking to foster this essential human quality in the next generation.