Kerry Docherty, co-founder of the acclaimed clothing and lifestyle brand Faherty, delves into the complex notion of selfishness and its potential link to personal fulfillment in her candid new memoir, Selfish: Unlearning, Reclaiming, and Telling the Truth. This deeply personal narrative invites readers into Docherty’s transformative journey, chronicling her evolution into the multifaceted woman she is today—a dedicated business partner, a devoted wife, and a mother. The memoir specifically highlights a pivotal period in her life as a new mother, where she made significant sacrifices, stepping back from her own career aspirations to tirelessly support her husband’s vision for Faherty. This relentless dedication, however, led to a profound sense of depletion, a feeling of being lost, and a stifling of her creative spirit. It was through embracing what she initially perceived as "selfish" acts that Docherty rediscovered her passions and reignited her sense of individuality.

This exploration of self-discovery and authenticity is further amplified in a recent episode of The Motherly Podcast, where Docherty engaged in a candid conversation with host Liz Tenety. The discussion centered on the societal expectations placed upon women, the importance of prioritizing one’s own needs, and the powerful act of resistance found in simply saying "no." The interview provided a platform for Docherty to unpack the themes of her memoir, offering listeners a deeper understanding of her personal narrative and the broader implications for women navigating similar life choices.

The Genesis of Faherty and the Demands of Partnership

The story of Faherty, a surf-inspired clothing and lifestyle brand launched in 2013, is intrinsically linked to Docherty’s personal and professional life. She co-founded the company alongside her college boyfriend, who is now her husband, and his twin brother. As the brand’s Chief Impact Officer, Docherty has been instrumental in steering Faherty’s mission towards positive social and environmental change. Her initiatives, including the development of a re-sale platform and strategic partnerships with Native artists, have been pivotal in the brand achieving its B Corp Certification. Beyond her work with Faherty, Docherty is also the author of the children’s book Somewhere, Right Now, further underscoring her creative pursuits. Academically, she holds a B.A. in Psychology from Yale University and a J.D. from Pepperdine Caruso School of Law, demonstrating a robust educational background that likely informs her thoughtful approach to life and business.

In the podcast interview, Docherty offered a candid perspective on the dynamics of starting and growing a business with family. She humorously noted that working with a spouse can either strengthen or strain a marriage, emphasizing the blurred lines that often exist. "I think in the beginning, there was no separation between who we were from a wife-and-husband perspective and who we were as business partners," Docherty explained. "I still have to say, ‘Are you talking to me right now as my husband or are you talking to me right now as my business partner?’ Because those lines are very enmeshed." This inherent entanglement underscores the unique challenges and rewards of merging personal and professional lives within a family context.

Deconstructing "Selfishness": A Catalyst for Authenticity

The title of Docherty’s memoir, Selfish, is deliberately provocative. Docherty elaborates on the word’s power, particularly for women: "Selfish is such an activating word. I think women in particular are activated because we have been groomed and trained to put others first, to ensure other people’s needs are attended to before our own." She draws a stark contrast with societal perceptions of men: "A man can work at building a company and make a lot of sacrifices in his home life and relinquish his domestic duties, and he’s seen as ambitious." This observation highlights a deeply ingrained societal bias that often penalizes women for prioritizing their own well-being and ambitions.

The memoir itself is structured around five core themes: marriage, motherhood, business, longing, and creativity. Docherty candidly recounts her struggle with burnout, a direct consequence of sacrificing her career to facilitate her husband’s and his brother’s entrepreneurial dream. The narrative traces her path toward reclaiming what truly makes her feel alive, examining the ensuing consequences not through a lens of right or wrong, but as an observation of her personal journey and its unfolding outcomes.

Docherty’s contemporary definition of "selfish" has evolved significantly. She now defines it as "prioritizing the things that make me feel alive." This is distinct from merely seeking immediate gratification: "It’s not necessarily about what makes me feel good, because sometimes we choose things that are maybe hard but we know in the long term will reward us." For Docherty, the ultimate act of "selfishness" is unbridled creativity, exemplified by her decision to write about her life, even when it involves painful truths that might affect others.

The Radical Act of Radical Honesty

The memoir’s unflinching honesty is a cornerstone of its impact. Docherty acknowledges the courage it took to share such intimate details, including an emotional affair with a musician. She reflects on the profound effect this candor has had on her marriage: "I so wanted and craved a marriage where we could truly be exactly who we are in all of our messiness and still choose each other. And so this book in some ways has expanded the edges of our marriage in a way that is so much more beautiful, but it has also been a real calibration and painful process to get here." This statement suggests that confronting difficult truths, even within the context of a memoir, can ultimately lead to a deeper, more resilient partnership.

When asked about the importance of not holding back, Docherty states, "When I set out to write this book, I wasn’t trying to be subversive. I just said, ‘What if I wrote a book about what it’s like to be me?’ That’s it. I want to write a book about what it’s like to be me, and I tell it honestly." This commitment to authenticity required her to confront the potential for judgment: "I had to disassociate from the fact that people would read it, that people I loved would read it, that some of the things in this book do not make me likable." This process of confronting potential unlikability is a testament to her dedication to radical self-expression.

Reconciling Motherhood with Personal Needs

Docherty’s journey also addresses the perennial challenge of balancing the role of a dutiful mother with her own individual needs. She explains, "One of the things that I’ve struggled with, but I hope that I’ve shown my kids, is that I am a mom and my job is to keep [them] safe. And also, I am an individual that has needs, and I’m not afraid to show them when some things are hard for me or not working or I need alone time or I just can’t do something because I feel depleted, and trying to give language to the kids around that." This approach fosters a more nuanced understanding of motherhood for her children, demonstrating that a mother’s identity extends beyond her caregiving role.

Practically, "selfishness" as a mother translates to active self-prioritization. Docherty emphasizes, "I’m really prioritizing myself. I know how I feel when I tend to my inner psyche and my emotional landscape. I’m talking about really tending to my inner psyche and my heart, making sure I journal, making sure I’m talking kindly to myself, making sure I’m in the community, making sure I’m giving out my gifts to the world." This holistic approach to self-care underscores the idea that nurturing one’s inner world is not an indulgence but a necessity for overall well-being.

Recalibrating Life and Work

The process of writing the memoir and reconnecting with her creativity necessitated a recalibration of her professional life. Docherty notes, "Writing this book and accessing my creativity was something that I prioritized. There have been sacrifices I’ve had to make. I’m not as much in the day-to-day of the operations of Faherty as I used to be, but it’s great because the company has grown, and so we have an amazing team that’s filled in the gaps. But there has had to be a recalibration of how I’m spending my time." This shift demonstrates a conscious effort to integrate her personal growth with her professional responsibilities, leveraging the strength of her team to create space for her own development.

The Liberating Effect of Authenticity

Docherty views the act of sharing her story as the precipice of a new chapter in her life. "The act of having it out in the world has felt very much like a new chapter for me," she states. "There are no more secrets. And there is something so liberating to be seen as exactly who I am and not having shame in it. I can’t tell you what it’s like. It’s a fascinating experiment." This liberation stems from shedding the burden of hidden truths and embracing a more authentic self.

Her ultimate hope for Selfish is that it sparks conversation and empowers other women. "I hope this book sparks conversation," she says. "I hope it gives women permission to feel brave, to figure out what their needs are, and then to share them in whatever capacity that might be." This desire to foster a sense of permission and bravery in others highlights the altruistic dimension of her personal narrative.

Legacy of "Selfishness"

Docherty’s provocative assertion that she wants her tombstone to read, "Here lies a selfish woman," underscores her redefinition of the term. She clarifies, "I mean, my memoir is Selfish, so the word has stuck with me whatever the legacy may be." Her vision for the legacy of a "selfish" woman is one of profound self-determination: "I think it’s a woman who chooses herself and does what she wants because she knows that her liberation depends on it."

Motherhood as a Superpower

At Motherly, the belief that motherhood unlocks superpowers resonates deeply with Docherty. She identifies her own superpower as "Truth-telling and being honest." She acknowledges the potential for disruption: "Sometimes it’s disruptive and sometimes I don’t do it in the right way. But I feel like choosing a life that feels authentic to me has been a superpower for me." This aligns with her memoir’s central theme of embracing authenticity, even when it challenges conventional norms.

Reflecting on her experience as a mother, Docherty shares what surprised her most: "I don’t think I knew how physical it was going to be. The lifting, the wiping, the feeding, the act of keeping a child alive was so much harder than I thought. It should seem obvious, but I don’t think I prepped myself for how much tending I needed to do." This candid admission highlights the often-underestimated physical demands of early parenthood, a reality many mothers experience.

This interview, edited and condensed for clarity, offers a compelling glimpse into Kerry Docherty’s personal philosophy and her journey toward self-acceptance. Her story serves as a powerful reminder that embracing one’s own needs and desires is not only permissible but essential for a fulfilling and authentic life. The full conversation is available on The Motherly Podcast.